employees, many of whom are doing nothing except looking at themselves often during the day. Why can’t they put a mirror with the main phone and let some of these folks watch themselves and answer calls instead of listening to a recording to set an appointment?

4) My local hospital’s recording told me to call another number if this were an emergency. Thanks. (They also listed their barbershop above their main listed telephone number in the directory…I might try them out).

5) I have cable TV as a result of not being able to get local channels when I first got Direct TV. I never want to call Direct TV again and will move to another house before I’ll report a call to them.

6) If anyone can find a Microsoft number, please let me know.

Occasionally, during this exercise, I would fin

I am writing this column prompted by a recent column in USA Today concerning the difficulty in getting to a live person when experiencing service troubles. The writer gave examples of some national companies that were difficult, if not impossible, to get to if one needed to speak with a live person for help.

I laughed as I read the article knowing full well that here in the Mid-South, land of hospitality and assistance, this was not the case. I knew that my local providers put emphasis on customer service and support. Ease of solutions was the southern way, I thought.

I also knew that, utilizing my own technical wisdom and knowledge, I would never purchase a product or service from a company that made it difficult to speak to someone who would help me. My life was exempt from delays in getting help due to automated attendants and answering devices standing between help and me.

Wrong.

I made a list of the important products and services that I use every day in work and at home. These include my local telephone service, long distance, wireless provider, PC hardware and software support, Direct TV, cable TV (yep…I’ve got both. I’ll tell you why later), broadband Internet service, banking, and utilities. I then expanded the list to include my doctor, local hospital, hair salon (are there any barbers left?), my attorney, my CPA, and my dentist.

I then decided that I would call each of these customer service locations or main numbers and see how long it took to get “real-person” assistance.

That was the beginning of a bad day.

Calls to each of these companies resulted in the following findings:

1) The only companies with live operators answering the phones were my dentist and attorney, neither of whom I particularly enjoy calling.

2)T wo of these companies never allowed me to even talk to the auto attendant (busy signals).

3) One company, after taking me through the loop of options, gave me the option of talking to a customer

service rep. When I opted for that, I began the loop over.

3) I waited THIRTY MINUTES to speak to a live rep with one of these companies.

4) There is no such company as Microsoft.

This exercise was a real eye-opener and left me with these conclusions:

1) I will buy a new PC before I call for assistance for hardware. Messrs. Hewlett and Packard have obviously left the building. My PC is groaning and making noises like my uncle in Lexington. I can’t get anyone to talk to and am currently looking for a new PC which comes with a nerd in a box who will set it up for me and transfer all the stuff on this one to the new one.

2) Buy stock now in AT&T. They have a great deal for $4.95 and then a seven cents a minute for long distance. That deal in itself is not so good, but the reason it makes sense as an investor is that once a customer is on it, you can’t get off! I’ve tried for months to call the number on my phone bill to get it changed, but every time I call, I wait about twenty or thirty minutes and figure it’s not worth the $4.95 and hang up (my late Father would spin over if he knew I were so cavalier about the money, but it is ridiculous).

3) My hair salon is covered with mostly female employees, many of whom are doing nothing except looking at themselves often during the day. Why can’t they put a mirror with the main phone and let some of these folks watch themselves and answer calls instead of listening to a recording to set an appointment?

4) My local hospital’s recording told me to call another number if this were an emergency. Thanks. (They also listed their barbershop above their main listed telephone number in the directory…I might try them out).

5) I have cable TV as a result of not being able to get local channels when I first got Direct TV. I never want to call Direct TV again and will move to another house before I’ll report a call to them.

6) If anyone can find a Microsoft number, please let me know.

Occasionally, during this exercise, I would fina

g help due to automated attendants and answering devices standing between help and me.

Wrong.

I made a list of the important products and services that I use every day in work and at home. These include my local telephone service, long distance, wireless provider, PC hardware and software support, Direct TV, cable TV (yep…I’ve got both. I’ll tell you why later), broadband Internet service, banking, and utilities. I then expanded the list to include my doctor, local hospital, hair salon (are there any barbers left?), my attorney, my CPA, and my dentist.

I then decided that I would call each of these customer service locations or main numbers and see how long it took to get “real-person” assistance.

That was the beginning of a bad day.

Calls to each of these companies resulted in the following findings:

1) The only companies with live operators answering the phones were my dentist and attorney, neither of whom I particularly enjoy calling.

2)T wo of these companies never allowed me to even talk to the auto attendant (busy signals).

3) One company, after taking me through the loop of options, gave me the option of talking to a customer

service rep. When I opted for that, I began the loop over.

3) I waited THIRTY MINUTES to speak to a live rep with one of these companies.

4) There is no such company as Microsoft.

This exercise was a real eye-opener and left me with these conclusions:

1) I will buy a new PC before I call for assistance for hardware. Messrs. Hewlett and Packard have obviously left the building. My PC is groaning and making noises like my uncle in Lexington. I can’t get anyone to talk to and am currently looking for a new PC which comes with a nerd in a box who will set it up for me and transfer all the stuff on this one to the new one.

2) Buy stock now in AT&T. They have a great deal for $4.95 and then a seven cents a minute for long distance. That deal in itself is not so good, but the reason it makes sense as an investor is that once a customer is on it, you can’t get off! I’ve tried for months to call the number on my phone bill to get it changed, but every time I call, I wait about twenty or thirty minutes and figure it’s not worth the $4.95 and hang up (my late Father would spin over if he knew I were so cavalier about the money, but it is ridiculous).

3) My hair salon is covered with mostly female employees, many of whom are doing nothing except looking at themselves often during the day. Why can’t they put a mirror with the main phone and let some of these folks watch themselves and answer calls instead of listening to a recording to set an appointment?

4) My local hospital’s recording told me to call another number if this were an emergency. Thanks. (They also listed their barbershop above their main listed telephone number in the directory…I might try them out).

5) I have cable TV as a result of not being able to get local channels when I first got Direct TV. I never want to call Direct TV again and will move to another house before I’ll report a call to them.

6) If anyone can find a Microsoft number, please let me know.

Occasionally, during this exercise, I would fin

n the following findings:

1) The only companies with live operators answering the phones were my dentist and attorney, neither of whom I particularly enjoy calling.

2)T wo of these companies never allowed me to even talk to the auto attendant (busy signals).

3) One company, after taking me through the loop of options, gave me the option of talking to a customer

service rep. When I opted for that, I began the loop over.

3) I waited THIRTY MINUTES to speak to a live rep with one of these companies.

4) There is no such company as Microsoft.

This exercise was a real eye-opener and left me with these conclusions:

1) I will buy a new PC before I call for assistance for hardware. Messrs. Hewlett and Packard have obviously left the building. My PC is groaning and making noises like my uncle in Lexington. I can’t get anyone to talk to and am currently looking for a new PC which comes with a nerd in a box who will set it up for me and transfer all the stuff on this one to the new one.

2) Buy stock now in AT&T. They have a great deal for $4.95 and then a seven cents a minute for long distance. That deal in itself is not so good, but the reason it makes sense as an investor is that once a customer is on it, you can’t get off! I’ve tried for months to call the number on my phone bill to get it changed, but every time I call, I wait about twenty or thirty minutes and figure it’s not worth the $4.95 and hang up (my late Father would spin over if he knew I were so cavalier about the money, but it is ridiculous).

3) My hair salon is covered with mostly female employees, many of whom are doing nothing except looking at themselves often during the day. Why can’t they put a mirror with the main phone and let some of these folks watch themselves and answer calls instead of listening to a recording to set an appointment?

4) My local hospital’s recording told me to call another number if this were an emergency. Thanks. (They also listed their barbershop above their main listed telephone number in the directory…I might try them out).

5) I have cable TV as a result of not being able to get local channels when I first got Direct TV. I never want to call Direct TV again and will move to another house before I’ll report a call to them.

6) If anyone can find a Microsoft number, please let me know.

Occasionally, during this exercise, I would fin

d making noises like my uncle in Lexington. I can’t get anyone to talk to and am currently looking for a new PC which comes with a nerd in a box who will set it up for me and transfer all the stuff on this one to the new one.

2) Buy stock now in AT&T. They have a great deal for $4.95 and then a seven cents a minute for long distance. That deal in itself is not so good, but the reason it makes sense as an investor is that once a customer is on it, you can’t get off! I’ve tried for months to call the number on my phone bill to get it changed, but every time I call, I wait about twenty or thirty minutes and figure it’s not worth the $4.95 and hang up (my late Father would spin over if he knew I were so cavalier about the money, but it is ridiculous).

3) My hair salon is covered with mostly female employees, many of whom are doing nothing except looking at themselves often during the day. Why can’t they put a mirror with the main phone and let some of these folks watch themselves and answer calls instead of listening to a recording to set an appointment?

4) My local hospital’s recording told me to call another number if this were an emergency. Thanks. (They also listed their barbershop above their main listed telephone number in the directory…I might try them out).

5) I have cable TV as a result of not being able to get local channels when I first got Direct TV. I never want to call Direct TV again and will move to another house before I’ll report a call to them.

6) If anyone can find a Microsoft number, please let me know.

Occasionally, during this exercise, I would fin

employees, many of whom are doing nothing except looking at themselves often during the day. Why can’t they put a mirror with the main phone and let some of these folks watch themselves and answer calls instead of listening to a recording to set an appointment?

4) My local hospital’s recording told me to call another number if this were an emergency. Thanks. (They also listed their barbershop above their main listed telephone number in the directory…I might try them out).

5) I have cable TV as a result of not being able to get local channels when I first got Direct TV. I never want to call Direct TV again and will move to another house before I’ll report a call to them.

6) If anyone can find a Microsoft number, please let me know.

Occasionally, during this exercise, I would finally speak to a real customer service rep. I noticed that they sounded suspiciously alike, which makes me believe all of these companies forward the live calls to one guy who answers for all these companies.

I also learned that there is an insurance company in town who, when listening to your recorded customer service options says “to hear the train, press seven” and it plays a train noise. They used to say “to hear the duck, press seven” and a duck quacked, but apparently they got so much traffic, they took it off. Out of respect for them, I am not mentioning their name, but this is true.

By the way, try to connect to the sales department for any of these firms and notice how quickly you’ll get through.

I am closing with a plea for corporate managers to call your own customer service departments and listen to what your customers are hearing. For most of you, this will take some time…be patient.